Before becoming a Mom, my husband and I had gone to several “baby” classes to better prepare ourselves for this new adventure of parenting we were about to embark on.
There were a lot of baby safety, pushing positions, who to call if your child gets into something.. but none of these classes went into what you would experience right after your baby is born.
I take that back, they “mentioned” maybe one- postpartum depression- but let’s be honest, nobody goes in depth!
Here are my biggest issues I have personally run into after becoming a mom.
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Fair warning: none of these topics are fun to deal with, and if you are struggling right now with postpartum ANYTHING– please know that it is OK to ask for help!!
1. Let’s Talk Aftercare
Everyone talks about how painful labor and the whole damn birthing process is. However, nobody seems to talk about though is the mess that comes afterwards.
I mean literal MESS.
Yeah, it’s a known fact that you will be wearing the finest DEPENDS money can buy because you are constantly leaking fluids, chunks, chunks of fluids- you get the point. But nobody said it would be for days, let alone WEEKS.
If You Happen to Tear
I think a lot of women are terrified of this! I mean, you really have no idea you did or not until the doctor is down there stitching away. But afterwards… ick.
I had no idea that I wouldn’t be able to gracefully get out of bed when the baby woke up to feed. Nope, I was too afraid of busting anything open and had to “inch” by way off the bed or chair.
What helped me was to sit on a good doughnut of sorts while I was healing. It made it a little more comfortable, at least.
I was afraid to even look down yonder for the longest time. So, that constant fear of Oh, Crap is it infected was trapped in my head for those first 6 weeks.
Tearing is a bitch, let’s just say that.
Do I Really Have To #2
Nobody talks about the fact that you will be terrified to poop for DAYS or WEEKS.
Stool softeners will become your best friend! But it still doesn’t change the initial fear to do your business. – especially if hemorrhoids decided to join the party.
So Many Pads
Like I said, you will leak-bleed- a lot! Well for me, I bled for probably a good two weeks, if not more. That is a lot of pads!
Every potty break seemed to take a good 10 minutes, just changing and cleaning all your areas.
Also spritzing yourself with warm water after every potty break or pad change- NOT FUN.
2.Those Baby Blues
You hear about the postpartum depression to a point, but nobody really mentions the baby blues.
I for one had no idea what was going on when I had these awful feelings about becoming a mom. Like what the hell did I do? Why did I do this? I don’t want to be a mom. My baby hates me!
Apparently, all these horrible feelings are due to the hormones being so completely out of whack. As if becoming a parent wasn’t stressful enough, let’s just tack this on too.
You should start feeling better after a few days of adjusting! So hang in there.
3. Fear of Being Alone
Once the husband went back to work, it was time for me to be on my own.
On my own with a baby. I was the one solely responsible for taking care of this little one!
Now that was a very scary thought.
I was terrified! I had no clue how I was going to do everything I needed to do to get through the day without my husband there with me.
For the first week, I actually had to have my mom come over. Not to take care of my baby, but to ease my own mind. It was really nice to have her there to let me know I was doing OK.
4. Postpartum Anxiety
Now here is the big one! Postpartum Anxiety. I knew about postpartum depression, but not necessarily the anxiety portion of it.
When I had my checkup at 6 weeks, I filled out the postpartum depression test or form- whatever you want to call it.
My doctor had then said that I was experiencing postpartum anxiety.
I never had any bad feelings towards my baby. No resentment. I didn’t want to harm her or myself. Nothing like that.
What I was dealing with was:
Intrusive Thoughts
Meaning I was constantly worrying that something bad was going to happen.
For Example: … I would be having thoughts or dreaming that I was holding my baby at the top of the stairs and either we would both trip and fall or I would drop her. Another where there would be a dog attack involved. Just horrible, beyond horrible thoughts!
Mom Guilt
I mean come on, how could I not have mom guilt after having these images and thoughts pop into my head.
I must be a horrible mom!
WELL I’M NOT! I actually think I’m a damn good mom. I just needed to ask for help. Postpartum Anxiety is actually pretty common. So please do not wait to ask for help if you need it!!
**I would also like to add that this ties in with baby blues. If those feelings do not go away, and last longer than a few days- you should contact your doctor. You could be experiencing postpartum anxiety or depression. **
5. Disconnected From Hubby
Before you have a baby, you could have the most amazing relationship with your spouse. Having a baby will just add to the fun, right?
Well for some, yes! For others, it can be the biggest obstacle in your marriage or relationship.
If you suffer with any postpartum anxiety or depression, this can make everything 1000x worse.
For the most part you want to be left alone, because you have absolutely NO time to yourself.
But you also might get upset, angry, turn into a monster-etc.- because your partner is actually giving you that space- and you’re wondering what you did wrong for them to not be all over you.
It can be a never-ending cycle of emotions.
How long does it last?
Sometimes this can last for just a few months, sometimes it could last well over a year.
There is NOTHING wrong with you!
Everyone’s postpartum journey is going to be different. The best thing you can do is sit down and explain everything you’re feeling.
What can you do?
Make one night out of the month a date night. Even a daytime date to just get out and be alone together will help!
Drop the baby off with the grandparents and go get some coffee, or whatever you want to do.
It also doesn’t hurt to go to see a professional if you are having trouble connecting with one another. Maybe your needs or feelings aren’t being understood – this goes for both of you!
Many will say that the first year after baby comes is the worst for your relationships. We are just over a year in, and still working at it!
So, if you are feeling like this- hang in there, talk it out, and be there for one another!
6. Reminder to Take Care of Yourself
Those first few months can be rough.
I know I would completely forget to eat anything during the day. It would be going on 4 in the afternoon and I’d have no recollection of doing anything for myself.
Set an alarm on your phone to remember to eat, drink, or nap if you need to!
It is very important to remember to take care of yourself.
Once you have fed your little one, put a fresh diaper on, and they are content- get in that shower.
Even if it is a quick two-minute shower – IT WILL HELP.
There You Have It
Like I said, everyone’s postpartum journey is going to be different.
These are the experiences that I have had, and I wish that I was better prepared for them!
If you can relate to anything mentioned in this post, I would LOVE to hear about it. Let me know in the comments.
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